soflynmythirties

There are no manuals in cyberspace for a woman to use once she turns thirty years young. Many dread the day when it creeps up like a thief in the night. I thought I would lose my mind at the age of twenty-nine.

Since surpassing the mysterious number and turning thirty-two years younger in September of 08', I feel that I am now at a place where I can say it is time to face and absorb Grown Woman Status.

Throughout my twenties, I was not fully comfortable with my body, sexuality, and soul. I was in an abusive relationship, in college, working, and becoming a walking nightmare internally.

Think back when you were twenty-five, are you still doing the same things? If so, then you may need a therapy session. I had four sessions with a life coach earlier in 08'. I am not doing the same things, but accepting me is a daily challenge as a result of those sessions.

Society has taught women first, white is the acceptable color of skin, and being black is a downfall. A white woman is more inclined to receive an ad in a magazine than I am as a Black woman. Read any dictionary that you have right now, both the words are totally opposite of each other regardless of the American cultural melting pot.

In reality, I know that a Black woman was blessed with hips, thighs, full lips, legs—a shape that is replicated today in Hollywood by botox, plastic surgery, liposuction, aging creams; the list is endless. To counteract the process of being downtrodden by these images displayed by the media, I expect nothing less from myself but to do what I feel is comfortable and fit for my life. I am designing a sofly-caramelbeauty-wholistic regimen to live by: Grown Woman Status.

There was a distinct moment when I realized that I was at Grown Woman Status it  during Christmas of 07'. I had an epiphany and saw that it was my responsibility to have my back, regardless if I am family or not. No one can take care of my needs anymore; they have no idea what they are, so how can I expect them to know how to satisfy me. The decisions that I have now made will be lasting ones.

I think that moving away from my relatives, friends, and familiar surroundings has also allowed me to advance to the level of Grown Woman Status. I have no family in the city that I reside in, still have not made any real friends (that is due to staying on campus and being serious about finishing college).

However, I can write freely without others looking over my shoulder. I make my own decisions. I have the pleasure of dating who I want without anyone saying two-cents about them. I graduated from The University of Houston with a Bachelor’s of Arts Degree in December of 2008, and will enter graduate school this spring.

I do miss my family, but having the freedom to live my own life, with terms created by me for me, is the greatest feeling I could ever have in the world.

I am not saying that my life is perfect, but day, by day, I am moving to a better place with myself. Ready to live, love, help others, and accept love in return.